*DISCLAIMER*
This post may or may not be about marriage... again.
So today I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, and I came across an article that my old dance teacher posted that said something along the lines of "What parents are teaching their daughters wrong... blah blah bad parenting..." I agreed with a lot of it. Seriously, we should start teaching young girls to be independent. I loved that it said to teach your daughter to have an opinion, to go to school and gain a quality education, to not dress in a certain way just to grab a boy's attention, and even some small things like not eating your feelings, then it came to one "rule" that I absolutely despise, "Don't allow your daughter to get married young".
What. The. Blank.
#1- AGAIN with the not getting married young thing? I seriously thought we were done with this.
#2- ALLOW? Since when do you allow your ADULT daughter to do something? There is this thing called independence that you aren't letting your daughter to have and practice if you are not allowing her to make her own decisions.
I've been thinking about blogging about this topic for quite some time now, but every time I do I always convince myself that I don't want to be one of those fanatical bloggers who write about topics like this so passionately that people who have an opposing opinion don't dare to say anything because they are afraid of the blogger and their faithful followers' backlash. However, I am very passionate about this subject and want to show a different side of it.
I got married when I was 19. That is really young. I didn't even finish my first year of college before I met, dated, and was engaged to my husband. Everyone looked at me weird when I went wedding dress shopping. Many people I encountered seemed doubtful of my relationship lasting. It honestly hurt when a lot of people who I thought were my closest friends didn't support my decision. I knew the risks (I even took a marriage and family university course that explained them extensively), but whenever I thought about not having my husband in my life, I knew I would regret that decision forever.
My parents were very supportive of my decision. They loved Chad the minute they met him, but they never forced me one way or another. They said that this had to be MY decision. Everyone else decided to give their opinion on what I should do with my life. Some of my friends said that I should date Chad longer, others said that I should get married fast, Some people thought that I should break up with him and travel or "discover" myself, but every time somebody gave me their opinion, I didn't want to listen. My parents encouraged me to think about the commitment I was about to make and to make sure I was ready. They didn't think that I needed to travel, or wait to figure out who I was to make my decision. I knew I loved Chad and that we would be able to balance each other out and make a healthy relationship work.
I don't know why people think you need to figure out who you are in order to get married. That is the biggest joke ever. People change. I feel like I have changed a lot over the last year. I'm not the same person I was when I first came to college and I don't think I will be the same person in five years. I became very comfortable with who I was my junior year of high school, but for some reason I felt like I didn't know who I was and I couldn't wait to "discover" myself in college. The whole act of "discovering" oneself seemed so interesting and that once I achieved it that all of my problems would be solved and I could live happily ever after.. ladeedahh whatever. THIS CONFUSED ME SO MUCH. I came to college, and for the first half of the fall semester I kept trying to discover who I was but it only made things more difficult. I just kept thinking that I was supposed to be an entirely different person,but what I really learned is that you don't need to figure out who you are or become a new person, you need to be comfortable and confident with yourself and then other things will fall into place.
What bothers me most is that people say "you shouldn't get married young" instead of "wait until you are ready to get married". There are some very good reasons for a person to not get married young. Some don't feel ready to have a serious relationship, others are not ready for the commitment and responsibilities. You need to be ready to make important decisions and have a mature relationship. Life is rough and marriage just adds more responsibility to it, but it doesn't mean it can't be a wonderful and joyful experience. MARRIAGE ROCKS. However, if you are not ready for marriage and what it entails, wait a little bit longer.
Even at our wedding receptions, people seemed to doubt that we would last very long. I remember receiving several comments that doubted our maturity and ability to make a relationship work. At the reception in Boise, I remember one man asking me my age. I thought to myself, "Oh no, not another comment on how young I am, or a lecture about making a relationship work takes a lot of effort." Instead this guy had the HUGEST smile on his face and said to Chad and me, "That's so great! You two get to grow together. You both are going to have a lot of adventures and get to enjoy each other when you are still young. You two aren't completely set in your own individual lifestyles and it makes it easier to blend them together. You'll love growing closer as you grow older." Bam. That was exactly what I needed to hear. Somebody who knew that you could have a successful relationship even if you married young.
I guess what I'm trying to say overall is that there is no 'right' age to get married at. Some people find their sweetheart in grade school, some find them their first year out of the house, and others might not find them until later in life. Whenever you find the person who makes you better, happier, person, that is the right time. Don't wait to get married because other people think you should, but don't rush into things if it doesn't feel right. Make sure it is YOU making the decision.
xoxo
What bothers me most is that people say "you shouldn't get married young" instead of "wait until you are ready to get married". There are some very good reasons for a person to not get married young. Some don't feel ready to have a serious relationship, others are not ready for the commitment and responsibilities. You need to be ready to make important decisions and have a mature relationship. Life is rough and marriage just adds more responsibility to it, but it doesn't mean it can't be a wonderful and joyful experience. MARRIAGE ROCKS. However, if you are not ready for marriage and what it entails, wait a little bit longer.
Even at our wedding receptions, people seemed to doubt that we would last very long. I remember receiving several comments that doubted our maturity and ability to make a relationship work. At the reception in Boise, I remember one man asking me my age. I thought to myself, "Oh no, not another comment on how young I am, or a lecture about making a relationship work takes a lot of effort." Instead this guy had the HUGEST smile on his face and said to Chad and me, "That's so great! You two get to grow together. You both are going to have a lot of adventures and get to enjoy each other when you are still young. You two aren't completely set in your own individual lifestyles and it makes it easier to blend them together. You'll love growing closer as you grow older." Bam. That was exactly what I needed to hear. Somebody who knew that you could have a successful relationship even if you married young.
I guess what I'm trying to say overall is that there is no 'right' age to get married at. Some people find their sweetheart in grade school, some find them their first year out of the house, and others might not find them until later in life. Whenever you find the person who makes you better, happier, person, that is the right time. Don't wait to get married because other people think you should, but don't rush into things if it doesn't feel right. Make sure it is YOU making the decision.
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.